Touchdown!
I’m here, I’m back!
I had played out this moment in my mind,
But it feels different now.
The customs signs clutter my vision,
En todas las direcciones que I look,
Inglés,
Inglés,
My native tongue.
It is a comforting sight,
But somehow it doesn’t feel complete.
Part of me is still there,
Amidst the jungle green,
With the daily rehearsed,
“Kolbi, Claro, Moviestar,”
Phone top-ups being sung in the street.
Mi corazón feels divided.
I should have remembered
That coming back is never that easy.
It is something you cannot prepare
Fully for.
You don’t realize that you are going to miss
Conversando with the nuns at your work,
Tomando the two-hour commute home (en una manera),
Escuchando to your host mom in the morning
Who tells you stories upon stories of the vieja Costa Rica,
Caminando every which way
Because all you have are los pies,
Viendo la gente gather around the street performers,
And abrazando one another with a kiss and hug.
These sentimientos are not something you can prepare to leave behind
Ahead of time.
These feelings wash over you
As you are being screened by los funcionarios de aduanas…
Or maybe it is more appropriate to say
“Customs officials” now.
They swirl around you
When you try ordering your first meal back en español.
They pull on your heartstrings
When you think back,
When you remember,
But now,
Más, y más,
It feels further away.
No,
You didn’t know it would feel so far,
When you were living in it,
Bailando el merengue.
It all seemed so usual,
So…todos los días.
You missed your hometown
Because you were discovering some place foreign to you,
All by yourself.
But now la situación
Is inversed.
¿Por qué?
¿Cómo?
If you are back in your comunidad,
With your gente, familia, y amigos,
Wrapped up in the inglés fluttering
Over street signs, restaurant placards, and billboards,
Why does the familiar feel so un-familiar?
¿Por qué te sientes sola?
I believe it is a question
That has many answers,
And then none
All at once.
What is more,
What is el más especial,
Is what these experiences,
Estas bendiciones,
Do to us.
It is such an amazing gift
To be welcomed into
Una cultura,
Un lugar,
Una casita,
Completamente nuevo.
And to learn and to share
Words,
Feelings,
Customs,
Laughs,
And fears.
En mi opinion,
There is nothing better.
So even though this
Reverse culture-shock bit
Es como una abeja molesta,
Buzzing around me
At every waking-moment
Ahorita.
It is totalmente vale la pena,
For los regalos grandes
That have been exchanged
Back and forth,
And forth and back.
Costa Rica is part of me now,
I will walk with it,
Smile with it,
Sleep with it,
And it will respond
In its own familiar way.
As I awake durante la madrugada,
Call out my “Pura” chant,
And feel all of the vida maravillosa
Surround me,
Hoy día.